I managed to see the first two episodes of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Wow, starting with an angry young man and a bunch of guys with guns slaughtering children is a bit much right now, Disney. I know they couldn't predict specific events, but it's not like a lot of real people weren't already all too familiar with such tragedies. If you're going to open with something like that, maybe make it clearer how it's relevant to the actual plot some time during the first two episodes to justify it instead of just plonking it in to let us know that the show is dark, man, dark? I saw one suggestion that we should have gotten some obvious signs that Reva and the Jedi youth Obi-Wan doesn't help were both in that group of kids that escapes, and they should have recognized each other. That would have been a start.

Tiny Leia and her tiny shoes sure are adorable though.

Also, Obi-Wan has a job butchering a...sand whale? Giant sand tuna? What the heck is that thing, and does it actually swim through sand? Why are they apparently only butchering it during day shifts instead of working round the clock to finish the job before the meat spoils in the devastating Tatooine heat? Or is there a night shift too, and they don't Gonk-clock in until a few minutes after the day shift Gonk-clocks out? Do they really expect us to concentrate on the plot when we're wondering these things?

And if there's a sand whale, why aren't they singing sand shanties while they butcher it? We know Ewan McGregor can sing! So far this show appears to be designed to deliver maximum id vortex indulgence: shiploads of Prequel Trilogy actors pressed back into service, a bunch of expanded universe stuff, cute kiddos, scruffy emo Ben, badass evil people in black leather, Darth Vader, a comedy Jawa, Alderaan, painfully ironic comments about what it will be like when Leia rules Alderaan someday, a cyberpunk Crime Planet, a marketable baby droid, you name it. Why not toss in a few Tatooine sand shanties? (For the record, I also thought Law & Order criminally wasted the opportunity to come up with an excuse for a musical episode when they had Jerry Orbach and Jesse L. Martin playing buddy cops together.)

Come on, Disney! It's not like anyone believes you're devoted to making quality Star Wars content anymore, so you wouldn't be losing any dignity or anything. Let's have a Special Musical Edition!

Until that happy day, I will accept your sand shanty lyrics.

Episode I: Chapters 1-9

We're now at 18/27 chapters, which means that it's time for...

The Courtship of Princess Leia: Abridged (Chapters 10-18)

( Chapter Ten: Welcome to Jurassic Park )

( Chapter Eleven: Warlords and Monsters and Witches, Oh My! )

( Chapter Twelve: Introducing Evil Matriarchy II )

( Chapter Thirteen: WonderLuke, What Is the Secret of Your Power? )

( Chapter Fourteen: Why Does It Always Have to Be Snakes? )

( Chapter Fifteen: Even in a Matriarchy, You Worry That He Thinks You're Fat )

( Chapter Sixteen: The Virtues of King Solo )

( Chapter Seventeen: Isolder Walks a Mile in Leia's Shoes )

( Chapter Eighteen: I Am Genetically Destined to Dominate Your Ass )

Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Sixteen
Chapters 1-9: Abridged

One advantage of being stuck without Internet is that you have no excuse not to get some reading and writing done already.

So, Chapter 17, in which Isolder blushes and thinks about how girls' hair smells nice instead of helping plan a prison robbery.

( She was rather plain by Hapan standards, but Isolder knew she was his designated love interest, so he would dream about her anyway. )

Flit through time to Chapter 18.

Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Fourteen
Chapters 1-9: Abridged

Sigh. I knew the whuffa-wrangling good times couldn't last. But I soldier on.

( And I have often dreamed that somewhere up there on another world was a book almost, but not quite, entirely unlike this one. )

Sooner or later, I'm actually going to watch these in order...

Anyway, on the episode with Ahsoka, Luminara, and Asajj. ( Read more... )

I figured this was an appropriate week to finally post this. (Especially after just reading that Neil Gaiman hasn't noticed his friend Harlan Ellison being sexist. Oh, Neil. Sometimes you are so cool, and other times...)

Many, many thanks to fialleril for helping me sort through all the thematic messiness in this fic! Any remaining messiness (and EU errors) is purely my fault.


Title: Motherhood Is Deadly
Fandom: Star Wars (Disclaimer)
Characters: Shmi, Padmé, Breha, Beru, Teneniel Djo, Mara
Categories: Gen, PG
Word Count: 2556
Summary: One by one, the mothers of Star Wars find themselves in the afterlife - and there's something disturbing about how they all end up there...

( At last the pain stopped, and Shmi was at peace... )

*****
This is the complete story, but there's also a bonus epilogue that I'll post later. ETA: Here you go.

*looks at posted version of story* Gee, do I have enough tags on this?

Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Twelve
Chapters 1-9: Abridged

This New Year, I resolve to be more timely about these. It's just so painful!

This chapter is mostly Luke being Yoda, only far more pompous. Isolder thinks it's annoying, but also wonders if maybe he really has a special destiny. At least he has a neat part where he shows he is a product of a Hapan upbringing when he gets pissy about Luke treating Artoo as respectfully as he did Isolder's mom.

There, now you don't even have to read the recap! But if you insist...

( Luke lectured Isolder on serving the light within, but it was just his stupid mandibles yapping! )
That was... not as bad as the last chapter. More "meh" than anything. I could almost use a singing droid just to liven things up a bit. But at least there's whuffa wrangling coming up next chapter!

Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Ten
Chapters 1-9: Abridged

Continuing my quest to KILL THIS BOOK DEAD WITH MOCKERY (and learn exactly What Not To Do), I'm finally getting around to the next chapter. I think the last chapter being relatively good scared me off from doing more, actually--it could only go downhill from there.

Direct quotes in bold.

( Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think? )

Though I have to say, this was one of the better ones. I almost enjoyed parts. Almost.

Have a bad feeling about Chapter Twelve.
***

Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Nine
Chapters 1-9: Abridged

I'm definitely in need of something light-hearted and fannish right now, and I'm way tardy on the read-through, so here's a new chapter. I like this chapter SO MUCH MORE than--well, than about 95% of the book so far. I have my minor quibbles, but mostly I'm just going, "Dave, you can be so good when you try! Why didn't you try for the first third of the book?"

Direct quotes in bold.

( Welcome to Jurassic Park. )

Trek through the woods to Chapter Eleven
***

Why read-through?
Chapter One
Chapter Eight

I was planning to have this up toward the end of the week, but the chapter was surprisingly short. So I figured I'd post it before I got distracted with finals and my sister coming home and everything.

( This woman was dangerous, and he wanted to probe her shapely figure further. )

I wish all the chapters were this short!